I remember praying to God in the hospital over and over that we would be given the answer as to why this happened, because there was only a 50% chance of finding out. Demetrius and I were fortunate enough to know exactly what happened right after delivery. Her cord was long and got twisted in the womb. A blood clot formed due to the umbilical cord being twisted, which cut off her nutrient supply. I don’t remember her moving around more than normal, so I truly believe that she died peacefully and no struggle occurred.
When we heard the heartbreaking news that our baby died in the womb at 27 weeks, we hit rock bottom. In a few brief moments, we went from happy anticipation of her birth to the intense pain of confronting her death. I honestly never knew how common stillbirth is until I started reading about it online. These tragic deaths occur in about 1 in 160 pregnancies, which surprisingly is more common than SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).
How I delivered her is another question that some have asked about. When we learned AJ had passed, the doctor gave us two options. I could either wait two weeks and let my body go into labor naturally or I could go to the hospital right away and be induced. There was no question about this decision, as I wanted to meet our lil Angel right away. This actually turned out to be the best decision that I have ever made. The reason is because she wouldn’t have looked the way that she did when we met her and I don’t think I could have handled seeing her like that. I was induced with some pill (can’t remember the name, similar to pitocin, but stronger) that was inserted every four hours. It took 7 doses to get my water to break and after that occurred, I dilated from 1cm to 8cm in less than 20 minutes. Another “best decision” was made again this day and that was the decision to get an epidural. I got the epidural at 8cm because I just couldn’t take it anymore. Contractions are not fun and knowing what the outcome would be regardless, I had no motivation to fight through the pain. The reason I say that having an epidural was a great decision is because the placenta wouldn’t come out. If I didn’t have the epidural then I would have had to be put under anesthesia and that would have meant less time I would get to spend with Adelyn. Exactly 31 minutes after my water broke, our Adelyn Jade was born. I want to take a moment and say thank you to my friends and family who dropped everything to be at my side on what I hope is the WORST day of my life. Demetrius, Mom, Amanda, Rosemary, Morgan, and my MIL were all there to witness our Angels body being brought into this world. I love you all so much and will forever be thankful for you being there when I needed you the most.
Another question that I get often is if we will try again? We got to spend all night and morning with Adelyn after delivery and while holding her in my arms, I turned to Demetrius and said “I want to try again.” I am so thankful that Adelyn’s death hasn’t discouraged me from wanting to be a mommy to more babies. I just know that we are supposed to give AJ some brothers/sisters to look after; I feel it. My doctor has advised us that we wait 3 cycles to even start trying again, so after we get the thumbs up, it’s on.
If you have any questions about anything, please ask. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Tears might be shed,but I really enjoy talking about her. I want people to be educated on this matter, simply because I wasn't. Even though Adelyn Jade was born still, she was still born. Mommy loves you Adelyn Jade and always will. I want to share a poem that a friend of mine sent me that I read constantly (Thanks again, Jillianne).
We are connected,
my child and I,
by an invisible cord
not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord
that connects us 'til birth
this cord can't been seen
by any on earth.
This cord does it’s work
right from the start.
It binds us together
attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
though no one can see
the invisible cord
from my child to me.
The strength of this cord
is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
it can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord
man could create
it withstands the test
can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
though
you're not here with me, the cord is still there
but no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...
I am sore,
but this cord is my lifeline
as never before.
I am thankful that God
connects us this way
a mother and child
death can't take it away!
By Terri Apostolakas
A moment in our arms, a lifetime in our hearts.
