Happy New Year

I can’t believe another year is coming to an end. It really has gone by extremely fast and I’m actually thankful for that. 2013 started off rough that’s for sure. Being diagnosed with a thyroid disorder and having our hopes crushed again with a miscarriage shortly after wasn't what I had in mind for the beginning of my year. But with the support of my amazing husband and the love from all of my family and friends, I was able to overcome all of that and make the year a better one. I hope each and every one of you had a great 2013 and will have an even better 2014. I love you all.

Highlights of 2013: 

Celebrating the end of 2012 with the ones I love most. 

Seeing George Strait for the 5th time with my mommy in North Carolina 

We're pregnant with our rainbow baby expected to arrive in February 2014

Celebrating 3 years of marriage with the love of my life. 

A memorable time in Orlando with Jaz and Jamere. What a great time we had. 

Made another trip to Orlando to watch my new niece while my sister and the rest of her family went to Disney World.

Having my entire family over our house for Thanksgiving. 

Receiving good news from the doctor that my thyroid levels were under control and that we can start trying again. 

My best friend Rosemary visits Tampa from Tennessee. 

Memorial Day fun with our friends. 

Christmas brunch at our house. 

Visiting Lola in Oklahoma

Celebrating us in Antigua for our anniversary. 

I'm an aunt......AGAIN

Re-enlisted for another 5 years, 6 months early. 

Celebrating my 27 years of life with some awesome people.

Witnessed the love my mom and dad have for our angel Adelyn. 

Christmas time vacation in Charleston and Myrtle Beach. 

Reaching my goal weight  after getting my thyroid under control. 

Being showered at two baby showers for Rainbow. 

thank you Vannah

Friends,

Please check out this video my little sister Savannah made in memory of our Angel Adelyn. I just love it. I hope that you all enjoy.

Click Here

Hilmes update

Almost weekly I get an inbox message from friends checking in on me to see how I'm doing. I figured that it would be easier if I just gave everyone an update here on my blog because more times than not, the same question is asked. "When are you and Demetrius going to try to have another baby?" Since writing in my blog in the past helped tremendously with my grieving process, I thought hell "why not give everyone an update?" 

Demetrius and I discussed future children right after giving birth to Adelyn and decided that we would try to have another baby down the road. We decided that after our 2  year wedding anniversary (October 16) is when we would try again. Our anniversary came and went and then out of the blue, I unexpectedly gained 15lbs in November. When I say unexpectedly, I mean in the matter of two weeks. I didn’t change my diet and I was running a lot in preparation of my upcoming December physical fitness test. I honestly didn’t know what was going on and decided to take a trip to the doctor.

A week later my blood work came in and I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. More than likely it was caused from the birth of Adelyn and its called post-partum thyroiditis. Normal ranges between 1-4 and mine was at 17. I really didn’t know much about the thyroid so of course I researched it immediately. My doctor started me on synthroid the week before Christmas in hopes to get it under control and sent me downtown to an experienced endocrinologist.

I anxiously awaited my appointment that was scheduled for 29 January in hopes that we would have answers. There is always the question "what is your main reason for being here today?" on the intake form, so I of course let the endocrinologist know that I wanted to get my thyroid levels under control so my husband and I can have a baby. He thought it would be best to increase my dosage of synthroid since the baby relies on mine during the first trimester. He instructed me to wait until our next appointment (end of March) to start trying again. I let him know that we did try this month and he said that "more than likely I wouldn’t get pregnant with levels like mine anyway".

Of course I was disappointed with the news since we want a baby right away, but I knew I had to follow doctor's orders. We didn’t want to experience another loss and more than likely that’s what would happen if I were to get pregnant with thyroid levels that high. So fast forward two weeks later and I find out that "WE'RE PREGNANT"! I can't believe it! My excitement is automatically replaced with fear though. I now knew what the probability of having a viable pregnancy was after meeting with the doctor and right from the beginning I didn’t have a good feeling about this pregnancy.

I was already scheduled for a pre-conception appointment with my OBGYN before we found out that I was pregnant again, so I met with him the day after we found out about the pregnancy. Since our previous loss was so tragic the doctor asked if we would like to have some early scans done so of course we said yes. The following week at only 5 weeks pregnant we went in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound technician was only able to locate the gestational sac and stated that "it's early so come back next week and we should see something".

I was a nervous wreck all week so when the day came for our 6 week scan, I was ready. Unfortunately we got the same news. The gestational sac was there and grew but nothing else. I knew in my heart that this wasn’t going to be a viable pregnancy. I was actually prepared for this news because a mothers instinct is real. My husband was trying to stay positive the whole week leading up to this appointment, but I already knew what the outcome was going to be.

We ended up doing another ultrasound at 9 weeks because I requested it. Even though I couldn’t change the outcome I just wanted to see it once more before I made any decision. I ended up having to have a D and C since my body wasn’t recognizing that no baby was there. I also couldn’t bare to go on "pregnant" any longer. That was a very hard day for sure and without my husband, I don’t know what I would have done. 

So here we are today. I'm awaiting a few test results and then we will decide what to do from here. I don't know if some of you are wondering "why is she sharing this?" but I really like telling my story. Pregnancy loss is not something that is talked about often because it's extremely difficult. When depression set in after losing our Angel, I turned to the blogs of strangers and it gave me so much comfort knowing that I wasn’t alone. If my story just touches one person, then it's worth sharing.

By no means am I glad that this has happened to us and if I could change it all, I would. However I am glad and thankful for everything that I have learned from this experience. I know that when we do get our blessing, it will mean that much more to us . I would be lying to say that I didn’t get annoyed hearing others complain about their pregnancy/children. Do you know how many women would love to have morning sickness? Back pain? Swollen feet? Weight gain? A crying child? I know that I sure would and I guarantee you won't hear me complain about it. I'm not mad that others do this by any means. I just wish that everyone realized how special becoming a mother really is because not everyone has that opportunity.

If you have made it to the end, I applaud you. I don’t write for pity, really I don’t need it. I just want to give answers to the ones who love us and wish us well since it does get hard when people ask, "are you pregnant yet?" Hopefully the next blog entry that is made will be about our rainbow baby that is on the way. I love you all and thanks for keeping my family in your prayers.